New Year's Resolutions

Gone with the Christmas tree and twinkle lights, in with the treadmills and diet books for New Year's resolutions. As other people begin their meticulous ritual of weight charting and calorie counting, I'm setting a few resolutions myself. The relevant ones are to learn how to snap better shots, and to keep updating on a steady schedule.

But I'm not the only one with New Year's resolutions! I think my cats have a few things to say about the matter.

I've been thinking about this past year and there's some things I'd like to accomplish in the next year.

First, I'm going to recalibrate my whiskers. I am NOT just clumsy...

Second, I'm not going to be afraid of Momma's rats anymore! H- hey, I'm bigger than they are!

Third, this catnip. You guys, this catnip!!

I am a cat.

Therefore, this question is irrelevant. Cats do not make New Year's resolutions.

Anything I want to do, I've already done. Because I am a cat, and cats do what they want.

I suppose if I were to humor this question, I would say... No. I refuse to humor this question. Now fill my food bowl!

Ooh! Resolution time?! I've got so many things I want to do!

• Groom more! YOU CAN NEVER GROOM ENOUGH.
• MOMMA'S RATS. I will get them. I SEE YOU MOVING, RATS!
• I'm going to kick Malcolm's butt and if he thinks he's getting this spot back, he's got another thing coming!
• The outside. I am GOING to get outside. Momma can't say no. I'll just have to be sneaky...
•  I STILL SEE YOU, RATS.

That's all for today! Have a happy and safe New Year's, y'all!

(Including my rats: Natalie, you can NOT have my rats!)

Video: Malcolm in a Drawer

As a forewarning, this video is ancient and thus not very good quality. It's Malcolm as a kitten, chasing his tail in a dresser drawer. I stumbled across this video and thought I'd share it.

It's about three years old now, and he was about 4-5 months in this video. LOOK AT THOSE TINY KITTY PAWS. D'aww. He used to chase his tail all the time. Still likes hanging out in drawers, if given the opportunity. He doesn't quite fit the same, but he loves it.

Want to stay updated with my latest videos, pictures, and posts? Subscribe to my blog and/or youtube channel! I post on a regular basis and try to get videos up at least weekly. And as always, comments are welcome!

Merry Christmas!

It's been a couple of days and I've been busy working the holiday shifts. I wanted to wish y'all a Merry Christmas, and so did the Dastardly Kitties!

Yeah, yeah, Merry Chr-- what's this smell?

Oh. Hello. Yes, I am cat! Merry Christmas!

Right. I'm headed back upstairs. Merry People In My House-mas. Hmph.

Well, they did it in their own way. Happy Holidays!

Happy Apocalypse!

EVERYBODY RUN IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!

What?! Cat, are you serious? It's the end of the world?!

I can confirm. I can SEE the BOTTOM of the bowl. APOCALYPSE!

BUT I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE. There's so many things I haven't seen, things I haven't done yet! I was going to get married in the summer, and have kids, and, and--

What? No! I wasn't serious. Don't listen to him!

Oh, good. See, I was worried there. It's one thing if an ancient calendar says the world is ending. It's another thing entirely if a cat says the world is ending.

Fun fact time: many animals are sensitive to subtle signs that disaster is approaching. Changes in air pressure and water pressure, for example, can trigger an instinct to get out or get down and weather the storm. Not everyone agrees on the extent to which animals, like cats, can "predict" disaster, but given their remarkable senses, it makes sense that they would pick up on signals from nature that humans just tune out. Interesting!

Have you ever noticed your cat acting funny before a storm or natural disaster? Comments are always welcome and much appreciated!

From my kitties to you, hope your "last day" is a great one!

New Video: First Snow

Not an impressive snowfall by the time the sun came up but they still had fun investigating! It made for an excellent first video of many to come.

Felix, of course, was as dignified as ever. "I don't know what the fuss is," he mused, sniffing the doorway with a dignified air. Malcolm wasn't sure what to make of it, but Natalie was so excited she just wanted to be outside.

YESYES I get to be outside again!!

Until she discovered that this fluffy white stuff made her paws wet.

I-- Oh dear, this isn't nice at all!

At which point she had to go back inside and clean her paws off from this highly offensive sneaky-water.

It didn't look wet at all, I do NOT appreciate this!

But all in all, the cats found it very enjoyable. Even Felix. I think.

That's all I've got for now. Hope you enjoyed the video!

Lovely Weather for a Sleigh Ride Together

OH MY GOD IT'S COMING.

SNOW.

NOOOoooo! First snowfall of the season! Our gorgeous blue skies gave way to clouds and rain and now there's going to be sticky white stuff making an adventure onto the porch unthinkable (and the roads treacherous for the furless folk).

I have to admit, while I'm going to be crapping myself trying not to find myself wrapped around a pole this winter (new driver, go easy on me), I'm going to have lots of... fun... with the cats.

Oh, calm your whiskers. Like I can be bothered by this nonsense.

It may or may not stay around until morning. It's supposed to snow more, but who knows if it'll stick. I don't know if I'll have any pictures or videos until a more solid snow storm... So enjoy a couple pictures from last year!

I was similarly disinterested last year.

I blend in with the snow, I blend in with the rail. I am now... camouflage cat!

Hi. I'm 5 months old and what is this funny stuff on the ground?

I'm Back!

I finally picked myself up a decent camera, so I'm back in the kitty blogging business. With decent pictures to do my cats justice, and maybe some good-quality video of kitty shenanigans.

Ahhem, no, I did not spend 500-some-odd dollars just to put my cats on the internet, thank you very much. But that is a very nice bonus.

I last posted about the new kitty on the block, Natalie. Let me introduce her to you:

I'm Natalie. This is my chair, Malcolm.

This is Miss "I sits where I wants to" Natalie. When she isn't busy grooming, sitting on other cats, sitting in her water bowl, or flouncing about looking highly offended, you can often find her curled up in someone's lap. True to her beautiful looks, Natalie is a princess and loves to be pet. And then there's her BFF, Malcolm.

I'm chair. I mean, Malcolm.

Malcolm's three years old now, but that doesn't stop him from being an excitable kitty who loves a good chase. In the year that Natalie's been with the furry family, they've grown incredibly close. They're cuddle buddies, grooming pals, and sparring partners. You usually can't find one without the other.

I'm trying to get some good video together of the two in action. It's been great to see how she's grown, and see how they've grown together over the past year.

That's about all I have for this update. I only just got this camera, so I'll have more for y'all soon. For now, I'll leave you with Malcolm and Natalie in their favorite spot: sitting on each other at the top of the cat tree.

And no, I don't know why she's staring at the wall.

Busy Bee

Malcolm's got himself a new girlfriend.

This is one reason why I haven't been posting. That would be my new kitty, Natalie. Now, if I can bother myself to get up and get my phone, I'll have some better pictures of this beautiful little girl to show you all.

Let me backtrack a bit. First, I got a job. That's the other reason why I haven't been posting, and it also happens to be related to the first reason. I work at a pet store, and we have space for rescues to come and put their cats up for adoption. You can guess what happened from there. It took me one week to go from, "So cute, but we shouldn't," to, "Boyfriend, come down here and look at the kitties. I want one." And he did, and even though he walked in determined to say no, he couldn't say no to this:

Seriously, how cute are these two together?!

It was love at first sight for us, and practically the same for them-- as much as it can be with cats, anyways. They were playing together by the end of the day, and in the world of cats, that's just as good. Malcolm no longer wails in the morning. Felix couldn't care less, as long as Natalie keeps a respectful distance. Laying within close proximity is fine too.

Laying within extra-close proximity is also fine with Malcolm.

So, that's what's been going on in the past month. Maybe when I have some time tomorrow, I'll put together a video and have something else to post.

KITTEN ATTACK!

'Cause I've been procrastinating on my latest blog entry, here's an adorable shot from Malcolm's kittenhood.

Sickness Support Troupe

When my boyfriend started sniffling, I knew it wouldn't be long before I was reaching for the tissue box myself. How could I avoid his sexy, kissable lips, anyways? Besides, he was powering through 8 hour shifts and still had the strength at the end of the day to climb up the stairs unaided (once with a bouquet of flowers in hand). If I did get sick, it couldn't be that bad.

As it turns out, he is five times more awesome than I and my immune system are, because whatever he had took me down swiftly and savagely. Before long, I found myself laying in bed with the laptop safely stowed away in its prone and locked position, waiting for death to take me while Morgan Freeman was talking to me through the TV about how there was another me out there, in a parallel universe, smart enough to avoid getting sick and was currently prancing through fields of flowers and sunshine and kittens-- lots of kittens.

Maybe the last part was a dream. I don't remember much after flicking on the science channel and succumbing to my fever. But I wasn't alone.
 

Apparently I still had enough presence of mind to take a picture for my blog.

I had my cats there to work their Magic Purr Powers on me while napping and receiving scratches when I could muster the strength for them. Okay, I did have to convince them to come lay with me (they are cats after all). It was not unlike when my cat convinces me at the buttcrack of dawn that he must get out of the room rightthenandthere, because his doom is imminent and the only way to escape it is by forcing me to wake up and let him out via a series of brief but ear-piercing yelps.

But just like I get out of bed to let him out, the Sickness Support Troupe came to snuggle and assure me that I would not die. And I didn't. Probably thanks to them. Or not, but they are magical, so who knows.

While I'm on the mend, keep a lookout for my excursion into the world of youtubing my cats. Probably tomorrow, or whenever I can gather the patience to wrestle with one of these video editors, which are being entirely uncooperative with my laptop at the moment.

Cats vs Dogs (Or: 5 Things I Like About Cats)

Up until the ripe age of 19, the most experience I had with cats was watching them skirt around our yard, traversing the fence with grace only a feline could possess. I gave them names, but I never fed them; mother was allergic, and to draw them to our home would have been a mortal sin. Sprinkled among those memories are a couple of sleepovers with the few friends who had cats. Still, I mostly watched from afar, being hopelessly ignorant at the time about, well, almost everything concerning cats-- including body language, and the difference between playful pawing or aggressive clawing.

I grew up around dogs. I understood dogs as much as I didn't understand cats. I knew how their minds work, what their body language was, and how to tell if they were considering giving you a warning to back off care of their sharp teeth. By and large, I considered myself very much a "dog person". And then, when I finally moved cross-country to live with my cat lover of a boyfriend, I got a cat of my own.

I wouldn't say I'm exclusively a cat person. There are things I love and miss about having dogs that are just different from having a cat. However, there are many things I love about cats, and these are the reasons why I will proudly exclaim that (maybe in addition to being a dog person) I am very much a cat person.

1. Tactile Feedback. If you know the body language, it's pretty obvious to see when a dog is happy. They'll wag their tail or flop on their backs and stick their legs in the air. There's one thing, however, they don't do: purr. There is nothing more satisfying than feeling your cuddly cat vibrate against your chest, or hearing your cat's deep jungle hum as he's approaching your open lap. 



2. Fluidity. Someone once asked: what makes cats so much funnier than dogs? Personally, I believe that one of the answers is their fluidity. Cats are incredibly flexible, and that means they have a wide variety of positions. Also included: a wide variety of hilarious positions. Cats can contort into (and be caught in) many more poses than a dog can.



3. Selfishness. I'm going to generalize here. One thing I miss about having a dog is that I don't have to try too hard to convince them to do something. Pure desire to please humans makes most dogs agreeable in the first place-- throw treats into the mix, and you can get dogs to do almost anything.
   
   Even the most people-pleasing cat will have moments of selfishnes. Why? Because sometimes, just fuck you, that's why. Now, why would I want that? Once, when I was about 7, and my brother was somewhere around 4, he never said no to me. I told him to eat a spider that was giving me dirty looks from across the room, and he actually picked it up and ate it. Well, for some insane reason, I got tired of having a personal slave. I taught him to say no. To this day, I have no idea why I did that. But I bet it has to do with why I put this on my list.



4. Short faces. I read somewhere on the internet (and by that I mean here when I was trying to find who originally asked why cats were funnier than dogs) that a cat's features are closer to a human's, and that's why they seem to be funnier than dogs. Maybe that's why I find their short, dainty little noses so cute. And, I thought my dog was the most adorable thing in the whole wide world, but I'll come right out and say it: my cat takes the cake for cuteness. Is it his short face? Probably. Cute little kitty noses!



5. Less noise. The thing that I like about having a cat is that they have to try really, really hard to be loud. Generally, the only situation that warrants it is when you're dangling Fluffy over a bathtub going, "I'm so sorry, Fluffy! This hurts me more than it hurts you!" Or, when you move to a 2 story home that has a hatch over the stairs, and your cat believes that this is the vortex to Hell and your death is imminent while he's watching you disappear under the ground. Dogs, on the other hand, are loud with no effort, extra loud with a little effort, and quiet with quite a bit of effort and training.

I love cats, and I love dogs. Maybe I love cats a little bit more, but that could just be due to the fact that I presently only have cats, and I couldn't imagine loving anything more than I love them. I could make a list of 5 things I like about dogs, but this isn't a dog blog, it's a cat blat. Wow, that sounds terrible. I am horrible with word play.

Meet My Cats

I have three and a half two cats, and now I'm blogging about them. Does that make me a crazy cat lady? No? Yes? In any case, I promise not to use them as projectile missiles, but I can't promise not to use them as weapons of mass cuteness and laughter. And in case simply reading about my cats seems woefully boring, don't worry; I fully plan on capturing the full magic of being owned by cats on video and picture.

Without further ado, my cats!

 Felix
Aka: Mau-mau, King Felix

If I were to describe Felix in one word, it would be: bearviperteddy. He has the mahoosive paws of a bear, the speed of a viper, and the cuddly-wuddles of a teddy.

One might not guess right away that Felix is our most affectionate cat. That's because he has to get to know you, first, and by "get to know you", I mean at least a year of steady trust training. I've only just attained (nearly) the same level of worthiness as my boyfriend, who got him about four years before I moved in-- two years ago. Oh my god, this cat is about six. FELIX, Y U SO OLD?

About 40% of his time is spent sleeping, 50% of his time is spent cleaning himself, and the other stuff is divided up in the other 10%. You see, he is King Felix, and he needs to keep his fur as pristine as possible. Although he has the longest hair of all the cats, he probably contributes the least to the voluminous amounts of hair around the house. Instead of shedding it all over the house, he collects it in his stomach to deliver as a (not so neat) little package in the middle of the rug.

But through the touchiness and the pride, he is our most affectionate cat. He'll come to you when you call about 80% of the time, and when he comes he loves pets and scratches. When the mood strikes him, he'll not only tolerate hugs, but goes crazy for them.
 

 Malcolm
Aka: Cat, Meow-Cat, Whiny-Cat, (Verb here)-Cat, Big Boy

Malcolm's head is too small for his body. His body is a bit too small to begin with, but that's okay. He was the runt of his litter, and orphaned very young when his mother was hit by a car. That's how we happened to acquire him around 8 weeks old, two years ago, and he's been the best cat a cat owner could imagine since then. I might be biased.

Malcolm is the headlining act in this house. If you keep a camera trained at this cat, eventually he will do something that could probably win you $100,000 on America's Funniest Videos. That's right, I'd be a thousand-aire if only I could manage to catch some of the things he does.

I dare anyone who is afraid of cats to come meet this one. I, too, was afraid of cats when I moved in. Even of Felix, given his history of touchiness and readiness to strike if, perchance, you did something unknowingly to his displeasure. Then I got this cat. Although he's not always as cuddly as Felix, and he has to get used to your presence, time from meeting to cuddles is less like a year and more like an hour-- at most. The only way you'll piss him off is if you're trying to. And you really have to be trying.

This cat is quirky and affectionate. Brave at times, skittish at others. Hunts bugs, but can't muster the courage to kill them. Loves affection, but has his own personal space. Try to plant a kiss on his head and he'll dash away, but give him a hug and he'll collapse purring in your arms. Loves people-- unless you're The Man with the Dog. He sure remembers you, buddy.

Baby
Aka: Baaaby!, Oldman Tunabreath Stinkyfarts, Old Man

As of two weeks ago (which happens to be when I started writing this blog), this cat isn't ours anymore. But he was once, and I was going to include him two weeks ago, so I thought it would be fitting to add him along with the others. His prominence on the blog will probably be minimal... Considering he isn't ours anymore.

This cat is about 12 years old, and in much a typical senior fashion, dislikes disliked the younger cats. If Baby had a lawn, he would be screaming, "Get off it!" with his haggard, hoarse croaking.

That's primarily why he isn't ours anymore: he was much more suited to a single-cat household (or at least one where the other cat(s) left him alone). The other reason-- and this is pure speculation-- is that our roommate became too attached to let him go; she offered to take him. After all, Baby was always in her room. Presumably hiding from the younguns.

The thing I remember most about him, and will miss the least, is the fact that he has a nuclear stench plant situated firmly in his bowels. You could always tell when Baby got out of the cat box because he would drop an atomic crap bomb so powerful that a single trip-- no matter how clean or fresh the box was-- would warrant an immediate scooping, just to preserve the ideal of your house not smelling intensely like crap.

But perhaps it's a bit unfair to identify him by his nefarious poops. What I will most definitely miss is the fact that he was the only cat who actually headbumped me. On my face. Also, he's the only one of our cats who actually acted like a cat.

Maggie
Aka: Pumpkin, Kitten, Kit, Squiddles, Professor Stinkbutt

This one also isn't ours. Yet. She came home as a "foster kitten" that was "found in the bushes", by my significant other's sister. I believe it, too. If you replace "foster kitten" with "kitten I'm pretending to foster so we can keep her", and "found in the bushes" with "probably got from a friend".

But, I digress. Maggie was originally named Squiddles, which I find suits her quite nicely. See, this cat has a peculiar defense mechanism. Whenever you're holding her and she wants down, she will unleash a stench from her southern regions so foul that you pretty much have no other option besides letting her go in order to escape the cloud of death. I liken this to squids spurting out ink to get away, and it wasn't unusual to hear, "Ewww, she squiddled again!"

Besides her squiddling tendencies, she was a very spunky cat. If you would take a second to imagine kick-ass Yvonne Strahovski as a cat, you would get Maggie. She's beautiful and loves to climb, play fight (like wonderful Sarah Walker from NBC's Chuck), pose for pretty pictures, and run around with the Big Boys. In fact, thinking about it, Malcolm, Felix, and Maggie are kind of like Chuck, Casey, and Sarah. Hah! NICE.

Well, since that realization just made my life, I think I'll leave it at that. Those are my cats, and I hope they'll bring a lot of fun to this blog.