New Year's Resolutions

Gone with the Christmas tree and twinkle lights, in with the treadmills and diet books for New Year's resolutions. As other people begin their meticulous ritual of weight charting and calorie counting, I'm setting a few resolutions myself. The relevant ones are to learn how to snap better shots, and to keep updating on a steady schedule.

But I'm not the only one with New Year's resolutions! I think my cats have a few things to say about the matter.

I've been thinking about this past year and there's some things I'd like to accomplish in the next year.

First, I'm going to recalibrate my whiskers. I am NOT just clumsy...

Second, I'm not going to be afraid of Momma's rats anymore! H- hey, I'm bigger than they are!

Third, this catnip. You guys, this catnip!!

I am a cat.

Therefore, this question is irrelevant. Cats do not make New Year's resolutions.

Anything I want to do, I've already done. Because I am a cat, and cats do what they want.

I suppose if I were to humor this question, I would say... No. I refuse to humor this question. Now fill my food bowl!

Ooh! Resolution time?! I've got so many things I want to do!

• Groom more! YOU CAN NEVER GROOM ENOUGH.
• MOMMA'S RATS. I will get them. I SEE YOU MOVING, RATS!
• I'm going to kick Malcolm's butt and if he thinks he's getting this spot back, he's got another thing coming!
• The outside. I am GOING to get outside. Momma can't say no. I'll just have to be sneaky...
•  I STILL SEE YOU, RATS.

That's all for today! Have a happy and safe New Year's, y'all!

(Including my rats: Natalie, you can NOT have my rats!)

Merry Christmas!

It's been a couple of days and I've been busy working the holiday shifts. I wanted to wish y'all a Merry Christmas, and so did the Dastardly Kitties!

Yeah, yeah, Merry Chr-- what's this smell?

Oh. Hello. Yes, I am cat! Merry Christmas!

Right. I'm headed back upstairs. Merry People In My House-mas. Hmph.

Well, they did it in their own way. Happy Holidays!

Happy Apocalypse!

EVERYBODY RUN IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!

What?! Cat, are you serious? It's the end of the world?!

I can confirm. I can SEE the BOTTOM of the bowl. APOCALYPSE!

BUT I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE. There's so many things I haven't seen, things I haven't done yet! I was going to get married in the summer, and have kids, and, and--

What? No! I wasn't serious. Don't listen to him!

Oh, good. See, I was worried there. It's one thing if an ancient calendar says the world is ending. It's another thing entirely if a cat says the world is ending.

Fun fact time: many animals are sensitive to subtle signs that disaster is approaching. Changes in air pressure and water pressure, for example, can trigger an instinct to get out or get down and weather the storm. Not everyone agrees on the extent to which animals, like cats, can "predict" disaster, but given their remarkable senses, it makes sense that they would pick up on signals from nature that humans just tune out. Interesting!

Have you ever noticed your cat acting funny before a storm or natural disaster? Comments are always welcome and much appreciated!

From my kitties to you, hope your "last day" is a great one!

New Video: First Snow

Not an impressive snowfall by the time the sun came up but they still had fun investigating! It made for an excellent first video of many to come.

Felix, of course, was as dignified as ever. "I don't know what the fuss is," he mused, sniffing the doorway with a dignified air. Malcolm wasn't sure what to make of it, but Natalie was so excited she just wanted to be outside.

YESYES I get to be outside again!!

Until she discovered that this fluffy white stuff made her paws wet.

I-- Oh dear, this isn't nice at all!

At which point she had to go back inside and clean her paws off from this highly offensive sneaky-water.

It didn't look wet at all, I do NOT appreciate this!

But all in all, the cats found it very enjoyable. Even Felix. I think.

That's all I've got for now. Hope you enjoyed the video!

Lovely Weather for a Sleigh Ride Together

OH MY GOD IT'S COMING.

SNOW.

NOOOoooo! First snowfall of the season! Our gorgeous blue skies gave way to clouds and rain and now there's going to be sticky white stuff making an adventure onto the porch unthinkable (and the roads treacherous for the furless folk).

I have to admit, while I'm going to be crapping myself trying not to find myself wrapped around a pole this winter (new driver, go easy on me), I'm going to have lots of... fun... with the cats.

Oh, calm your whiskers. Like I can be bothered by this nonsense.

It may or may not stay around until morning. It's supposed to snow more, but who knows if it'll stick. I don't know if I'll have any pictures or videos until a more solid snow storm... So enjoy a couple pictures from last year!

I was similarly disinterested last year.

I blend in with the snow, I blend in with the rail. I am now... camouflage cat!

Hi. I'm 5 months old and what is this funny stuff on the ground?

How to Win Cats and Earn Cuddles

When a year passed and I was still getting growled at for minor infractions on a regular basis, I gave up hope of ever achieving the same level of trust that Felix had with my boyfriend.

Maybe it was something that had to be cultivated in kittenhood, which means I missed the boat by about four years. I would just have to accept that Felix would tolerate me and nothing more. At least he wasn't as touchy with me as he was with everyone else.

Felix had (who am I kidding, he still has) the reputation of being the Big Bad Mean Cat. Our home has access to the downstairs through a hydraulically-operated floor hatch. When we were discussing how to open it without catapulting an unsuspecting cat, someone joked, "Well, I don't know about Felix. I wouldn't mind catapulting him." It hurt a little- even being a joke- but I know how easy it is to become discouraged by an angry cat. But that's the thing: Felix doesn't necessarily react so much out of anger, as much as he does out of fear.

Realizing that a year ago is what made me decide to actually sit down and work with Felix instead of giving up and writing him off as a pissed-off feline with a chip forever on his shoulder. So I looked up ways to encourage trust between cat and owner, and over time I started to put those methods into action. A year later, Felix can still be touchy, but he is significantly more trusting and easier to please. These are some of my tips:

•  Start off with the basics. The very first thing you need to learn, before anything else, is how to speak their language. Though their vocalizations are pretty much variations on "meoooww" and "HISSSSSSIMGOINGTOCLAWTHEHELLOUTOFYOU", their body language says volumes. Fellow cat blogger, CatsnCo, wrote an entry on this very thing. You'll need to know what your cat is saying, so that you know when it's safe to proceed and when it's time to back off.

• Figure out where to start. If your cat comes up to you and accept pets, start out there. If he's a bit further behind, start there and then build up. The big thing with cats is "slowly". It's almost like you have to trick them into thinking that nothing's changing at all. But the point here is to show the cat that you're not going to go past his boundaries, which, in turn, instills trust. The more trust he has at whatever level you're at, the more you can push it a little.

• Stop before your cat gets angry. The big thing with teaching Felix was that I had to stop before he got angry. That's why you need a good sense of how your cat is feeling based off his body language, so you'll know when he's starting to get antsy. When you stop before he gets angry, it shows him that he doesn't have to get angry in order to get this behavior to stop. Again, it's about building up trust. If he can trust you to stop on your own, then he doesn't have to pull out the claws and sink them into your face.

• Build up to more and more exposure. So you know where the line is. You stop at the right time, and now he's okay with what you're doing. Up the ante a little-- start petting him for longer periods of time. Get closer while you're petting him. If he's fine with that, try encouraging him into your lap. Work up to having your arms around him. Work even further up to a hug. Eventually, he might be okay with cuddles. He might even be okay with being picked up.

• Sometimes, they're just not in the mood, and that's okay. People aren't "on" all the time, and cats certainly aren't either. If your cat is just having an off moment, let him be and respect his boundaries. If you work on his terms, it'll help maintain a trustful relationship between you and your cat.

• Enjoy your cat cuddles. Your mileage may vary, but you should end up with a cat that trusts you enough to accept pets and cuddles. Enjoy!

Meet My Cats

I have three and a half two cats, and now I'm blogging about them. Does that make me a crazy cat lady? No? Yes? In any case, I promise not to use them as projectile missiles, but I can't promise not to use them as weapons of mass cuteness and laughter. And in case simply reading about my cats seems woefully boring, don't worry; I fully plan on capturing the full magic of being owned by cats on video and picture.

Without further ado, my cats!

 Felix
Aka: Mau-mau, King Felix

If I were to describe Felix in one word, it would be: bearviperteddy. He has the mahoosive paws of a bear, the speed of a viper, and the cuddly-wuddles of a teddy.

One might not guess right away that Felix is our most affectionate cat. That's because he has to get to know you, first, and by "get to know you", I mean at least a year of steady trust training. I've only just attained (nearly) the same level of worthiness as my boyfriend, who got him about four years before I moved in-- two years ago. Oh my god, this cat is about six. FELIX, Y U SO OLD?

About 40% of his time is spent sleeping, 50% of his time is spent cleaning himself, and the other stuff is divided up in the other 10%. You see, he is King Felix, and he needs to keep his fur as pristine as possible. Although he has the longest hair of all the cats, he probably contributes the least to the voluminous amounts of hair around the house. Instead of shedding it all over the house, he collects it in his stomach to deliver as a (not so neat) little package in the middle of the rug.

But through the touchiness and the pride, he is our most affectionate cat. He'll come to you when you call about 80% of the time, and when he comes he loves pets and scratches. When the mood strikes him, he'll not only tolerate hugs, but goes crazy for them.
 

 Malcolm
Aka: Cat, Meow-Cat, Whiny-Cat, (Verb here)-Cat, Big Boy

Malcolm's head is too small for his body. His body is a bit too small to begin with, but that's okay. He was the runt of his litter, and orphaned very young when his mother was hit by a car. That's how we happened to acquire him around 8 weeks old, two years ago, and he's been the best cat a cat owner could imagine since then. I might be biased.

Malcolm is the headlining act in this house. If you keep a camera trained at this cat, eventually he will do something that could probably win you $100,000 on America's Funniest Videos. That's right, I'd be a thousand-aire if only I could manage to catch some of the things he does.

I dare anyone who is afraid of cats to come meet this one. I, too, was afraid of cats when I moved in. Even of Felix, given his history of touchiness and readiness to strike if, perchance, you did something unknowingly to his displeasure. Then I got this cat. Although he's not always as cuddly as Felix, and he has to get used to your presence, time from meeting to cuddles is less like a year and more like an hour-- at most. The only way you'll piss him off is if you're trying to. And you really have to be trying.

This cat is quirky and affectionate. Brave at times, skittish at others. Hunts bugs, but can't muster the courage to kill them. Loves affection, but has his own personal space. Try to plant a kiss on his head and he'll dash away, but give him a hug and he'll collapse purring in your arms. Loves people-- unless you're The Man with the Dog. He sure remembers you, buddy.

Baby
Aka: Baaaby!, Oldman Tunabreath Stinkyfarts, Old Man

As of two weeks ago (which happens to be when I started writing this blog), this cat isn't ours anymore. But he was once, and I was going to include him two weeks ago, so I thought it would be fitting to add him along with the others. His prominence on the blog will probably be minimal... Considering he isn't ours anymore.

This cat is about 12 years old, and in much a typical senior fashion, dislikes disliked the younger cats. If Baby had a lawn, he would be screaming, "Get off it!" with his haggard, hoarse croaking.

That's primarily why he isn't ours anymore: he was much more suited to a single-cat household (or at least one where the other cat(s) left him alone). The other reason-- and this is pure speculation-- is that our roommate became too attached to let him go; she offered to take him. After all, Baby was always in her room. Presumably hiding from the younguns.

The thing I remember most about him, and will miss the least, is the fact that he has a nuclear stench plant situated firmly in his bowels. You could always tell when Baby got out of the cat box because he would drop an atomic crap bomb so powerful that a single trip-- no matter how clean or fresh the box was-- would warrant an immediate scooping, just to preserve the ideal of your house not smelling intensely like crap.

But perhaps it's a bit unfair to identify him by his nefarious poops. What I will most definitely miss is the fact that he was the only cat who actually headbumped me. On my face. Also, he's the only one of our cats who actually acted like a cat.

Maggie
Aka: Pumpkin, Kitten, Kit, Squiddles, Professor Stinkbutt

This one also isn't ours. Yet. She came home as a "foster kitten" that was "found in the bushes", by my significant other's sister. I believe it, too. If you replace "foster kitten" with "kitten I'm pretending to foster so we can keep her", and "found in the bushes" with "probably got from a friend".

But, I digress. Maggie was originally named Squiddles, which I find suits her quite nicely. See, this cat has a peculiar defense mechanism. Whenever you're holding her and she wants down, she will unleash a stench from her southern regions so foul that you pretty much have no other option besides letting her go in order to escape the cloud of death. I liken this to squids spurting out ink to get away, and it wasn't unusual to hear, "Ewww, she squiddled again!"

Besides her squiddling tendencies, she was a very spunky cat. If you would take a second to imagine kick-ass Yvonne Strahovski as a cat, you would get Maggie. She's beautiful and loves to climb, play fight (like wonderful Sarah Walker from NBC's Chuck), pose for pretty pictures, and run around with the Big Boys. In fact, thinking about it, Malcolm, Felix, and Maggie are kind of like Chuck, Casey, and Sarah. Hah! NICE.

Well, since that realization just made my life, I think I'll leave it at that. Those are my cats, and I hope they'll bring a lot of fun to this blog.